Defining success

picture by Engin Akyurt from Pexels

Over the weekend, my elder daughter received an award for her good performance in school. This is the second year running that she has obtained the Edusave Good Progress Award. It goes without saying that we are immensely proud of our little girl. While we do not put extensive pressure on her to perform well in her studies, it is nice to see her achieving good results.

I must admit though, that I feel a bit conflicted when she does well. Both me and my wife were smart kids way back when, so she has something of a genetic advantage. She also has other advantages which we did not. My two daughters do not have to worry about food being on the table, nor do they have to be worried about the lights going out when they need to do homework.

The problem is, how do I explain success to her? I do not think that the definition I had been taught by my own parents is useful. My parents drove me to study hard because they believed it was the only way for me to not have to live in poverty when I became an adult. They were not wrong, as my journey through the Singapore education system led to a road out of my impoverished background.

However, there were costs to that “success”. I pursued academic success at all costs. To reach those goals, I intentionally stunted my emotional growth by not dealing with the fallout…